oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
