marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I feel like I'm in dance class right now
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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