Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
birth control should be required to get into college
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
