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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
operation harelip BJ is a go
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Randomize
