Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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