Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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