I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
