The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
