If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
