My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
