when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
