I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
you inspire me to be a worse person
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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