I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
