Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
