you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
