im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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