If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Randomize
