i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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