A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
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