so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
