There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
