your thong is hanging out like whoa
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
