Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
