I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
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Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Damn victory sex feels great
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
why is half of my head shaved?
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