Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
