You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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