you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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