Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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