walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
