Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
