He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I cannot find my penis.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
