i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
