Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize