Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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