I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
