There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
