I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
