Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
