I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
