When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
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Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
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It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize