There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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