I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
it was like eating out sand paper
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
