You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
