Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
