Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
You made out with two different species that night
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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