i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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