is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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