Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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