Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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