so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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