she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
