I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
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