Someone shit on the floor
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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