Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize