I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
