I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
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