Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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