Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
