where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
