i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
