literally had 100 drinks last night.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Randomize
