i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
