my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i barfeds in our rink
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
