can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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