Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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