can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
zippers are such a cool invention
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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