I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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