There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
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