I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
