checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Randomize
