We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
