Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
organizing the empties. That sober.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
