Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
