There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
