ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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