I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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