I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
