We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
