my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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