you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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